Better to be a well-known drunkard than an anonymous alcoholic. Heres to the floor, who will hold you when no one else will. Wise, kind, gentle, generous, sexy but enough about me. 47.) Heartbreak makes you wiser. I'll be true as long as you, And not one moment after." "May your glass be ever full, May the roof over your head be always strong, And may you be in heaven. Thats unfortunate for these two! When I like them, I kiss them. To our wives and girlfriends, may they never meet. Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker. Here's to you and here's to me, I hope we never disagree, But if, perchance, we ever do, Then here's to me, and to hell with you. Heres to the women, with little pink shoes; who steal all our money and drink all our booze; now, shes not a virgin but thats not a sin, cause shes still got the box that the cherry came in. If you cant be with the one you love, love the wine youre with. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. 4. You may not be as wise as an owl, but youre always a hoot! A common one before shotgunning in Alabama is 1,2,3 Robert E. Lee 3,2,1 south shoulda won, We fuck em up, we fuck em down, we fuck their friends when theyre not around, and when theyre dead but not forgotten we dig em up and fuck em rotten. A grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says, Hey, we have a drink named after you! The grasshopper says, You have a drink named Kevin?. Here's to the women that wear white shoes They smoke our dope, they drink our booze That may have lost their cherry, but that's no sin 33.) The past is history, the future is a mystery, but today is a gift because its the present. May we be in heaven half an hour before the devil knows were dead. May God bless old Ireland, thats this Irishmans toast. To the two secrets to a long-lasting happy marriage: Heres to a good sense of humor and a short memory! Heres to your good health.
Toasts date back to Ancient Greece as a ritual and drinking to each others health. May our penises always be harder than our lives. Heres to whiskey, scotch, or rye, amber, smooth, and clear; its not as sweet as a womans lips, but a damn sight more sincere! A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. Little Johnny: then go fuck yourself. Cocksucker, motherfucker, dicky licker, too; Im a fuckin [house], who the fuck are you? As you slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never point in the wrong direction. The dew is on the heather. I drank to your health in company. 93.) Heres to love for which there is no cure except to marry. Here's to the King! It was very romantic he got up on one knee. From mobile games, apps and quizzes, to party and drinking games. I drank to your health so many times.I nearly ruined my own." Here's to a long life and a happy one. May we never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten. But the oceans not beer and Im not a duck, so lets drink these pints and get messed up. 6. 13. So she gets a divorce. Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice. Then all I have to do is squeeze the juice into a glass.W. Heres to the women who have used and abused us. Beers so frothy, smooth and cold; Its paradise, pure liquid gold. 21.) "I don't have a drinking problem 'Cept when I can't get a drink.". 6. Heres to being naughty and saving Santa a trip. "The past is history, the future is a mystery, but today is a gift because it's the present." #8. You can jump directly to your favorite category: Do you like these ? 45.) I drank to your health alone. An ox walks into a bar. We know it is true that were wicked, That our criminal laws are lax; But heres to punishment for the man Who invented the income tax. Take everything in moderation including moderation. He goes up to a beautiful young woman and says, So, do I come here often?, 55.) May you never meet her daughter, Miss Fortune. Choose your words wisely. 16.) If the ocean was beer and I was a duck, I would swim to the bottom and drink myself up. Irish toasts. Drinking All The glasses Off The Table My friends are the best friends. "Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.". Tuesday, Thursday, today and tomorrow. Luckily, I woke up, and I see that the world is just as it should be. Id like to say a little prayer for world peace. -Phil Connors. The first draught a man drinks is for thirst. With this collection you can add levity to any special event and will surely add some personal touch to it. May all of your ups and downs be only in the bedroom. Here's to love, laughter, and a happily ever after. "Here's to me, and here's to you, And here's to love and laughter . Never underestimate the power you have to take your life in a new direction. [Retrieved from http://www.tamut.com/toasts/ on 15 August 2003], Here's a toast to the Man I love, he is rich
Hey, it COULD happen! To the kisses weve snatched and vice versa! The most funny toasts for drinking 1. But please don't tell his wife! Heres a toast to the happy couple. I improve with wine. God in goodness sent us grapes to cheer, both great and small. Nothing, it just let out a little wine. Lifes a waste of time and times a waste of life, so lets get wasted all the time and have the time of our lives. poke her in the butt, and you won't knock her up! A rich man lives in a castle, a poor man lives by the sea. 57.) Loyal, willing and able. And vodka makes you not remember any of that crap. Life and beer are very similar. May it all be mine. -Sheik, 4. Be warned, though: a few may not be suitable for all audiences, so choose wisely. Shes lost her cherry but it doesnt mean a thing, cause shes still got the box that the cherry came in. Heres to lesbians, because they have good taste. 7. May your glass be ever full. In the New Year, may your right hand always be stretched out in friendship, but never in want. Not the heat that brings down barns and shanties, but the heat that brings down bras and panties. A tennis ball walks into a bar. Today, take time to relax and enjoy your day because you deserve it! Cheers!" Heres to a long life and a happy one, a quick death and an easy one, a good man and an honest one, a cold pint and another one. After a sudden burst of inspiration, he pulls out a small pad of paper and writes on it: I spit in this beer. Putting the note on the beer, he heads off to the bathroom. Best friends bring beer. 35.) Knowing your audience plays a huge part in the success of a toast. May God protect us, may God turn the hearts of our enemies, and if he cant turn their hearts, turn their ankles so we can tell who they are from the limp. 28.) Sometimes its nice to have a common toast ready that works in every situation. 19. Writers block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can have an excuse to drink alcohol.Steve Martin, The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.Humphrey Bogart, Beer is made by men, wine by God.Martin Luther, I distrust camels and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.Joe E. Ellis, Never underestimate how much assistance, how much satisfaction, how much comfort, how much soul and transcendence there might be in a well-made taco and a cold bottle of beer.Tom Robbins, Work is the curse of the drinking classes.Oscar Wilde, I am a firm believer in the people. Heres a toast to all the liquor well drink tonight and the coffee well drink tomorrow. The worm in the water lived, while the one in whiskey curled up and died. One beer, two beer, three beer, four. I would rather be with the people in this room than with the finest people I know. and drink like a true Irishman. 11. (Mark Twain). Beer is made from hops. So what are you waiting for? 20. 5. When researching what makes a great best man toast, one piece of advice really stuck out. "Except me mammy, of course!" "Well then," says Seamus. Stop trying to make everyone happy. "Here's to lying, cheating, stealing, and drinkingIf you're going to lie, lie for a friend. May we all have the chance to prove that money cant make us happy. 5.) Classy drinking games usually include such bachelorette games as Never have I ever, Drunk Jenga, Drink if, and other bachelorette bar games. To this fine person standing before me. And may you be in heaven half an hour before the devil knows you're dead. But the oceans not beer and Im not a duck, so lets drink these pints and get messed up. Heres to women! 76.) Heres to that long straight piece in Tetris. What did the bartender say when Charles Dickens ordered a Martini?Olive or twist?. But a whiskey glass and a fat girls ass are home sweet home to me. Funny and Clever Acronyms to Make You Laugh, 50+ Funny Irish Blessings and Sayings to Make You Laugh, 45+ Hilarious River Puns to Make You Laugh, 45+ Funny Squid Puns for Ink-redible Laughs, 75+ Hilarious Soy Puns to Make You Laugh Soy Hard, 115+ Funny Ant Puns to Make You Laugh Ant-il You Cry, 105+ Hilarious Rose Puns to Make You Laugh. Heres to wars and revolution. 3.) 38. ".here's to maintaining proper Ph Levels in our vaginas, yeast infections!" 2. freshcutgrass 10 yr. ago. Here's to milk, eggs, bread, and cinnamon. We drink to your coffin. "May our sons have rich fathers and beautiful mothers." 2. With mirth and laughter let old wrinkles come. A gorilla walks into a bar, orders a Mai Tai, and hands the bartender a $20 bill. "Trust me: You can dance Alcohol." Unknown "Responsible Drinking? So lets all get drunk and go to heaven. If given the truth, they can be depended upon to meet any national crisis. Too much of anything is bad, but too much good whiskey is barely enough. To keep a marriage brimming with love in the loving cup, when you are wrong admit it, and when you are right, shut up! Patrick Dennis Damn the Torpedoes Steady your glasses --
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