dirty submarine jokes

The best 13 navy submarine jokes. Youre so hot that even the zipper on my pants is falling for you. Whats the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer? Because youre hot and I want smore. 34. One slip of the tongue, and youre in deep shit. Q: Why did the Polak cross the road? From where does the Somalian coast look best? Are you from China? The Ploack comes out in five minutes. Please divert your course 15 degrees to the north to avoid a collision. 24. 83. Why do European submarines have barcodes? is a submarine. Why Is My Throat So Dry? Ken came in another box. #53. Bridal Shower 101 is here to provide the best information to help the bride tribe! Anita! Whats the difference between your penis and a bonus check? A coconut. Youve been voted Most Beautiful Girl In This Room and the grand prize is a night with me! Because you can get them 100% off at my place. Most of the middle sections are missing, and the two ends have been pushed together, making it only a 4 foot san. The Air Force will take out a 5 year lease with an option to buy. 40. What did the O say to the Q? 43. Here are some funny dirty jokes for him that will surely get him to crack up and surely bring you closer together. What goes in hard and dry, but comes out soft and wet? Whats long, hard, and gets women excited? How do you make a pool table laugh? Myth Vs Fact: Is a Dogs Mouth Cleaner Than a Humans Mouth? My Friends And I Never Went Skiing Again After What Happened In 1989. Many do! Whats the difference between sin and shame? Whats the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer? Knock knock. Two sardines swim at the bottom of the sea. Because his right hand caught on fire. 10. Thanks for coming! 13. Beause theyre used to eating nuts. Let's take a look at our favorite short jokes for adults only: As far as dirty jokes go, we can safely say that size doesn't matter. 7. What is 6 inches long and 2 inches wide and makes women go crazy? Are you looking for some submarine gags and underwater puns? Whats the difference between a Catholic priest and a zit? 84. Whats the process of applying for a job at Hooters? You'll never get it! 2. A collection of submarine jokes and submarine puns. Shes going to eat me! By how fast it sinks. They were both just getting finished with their shaves, when the barbers reached for some after-shave to slap on their faces. A mosquito will stop sucking once you slap it. F**king hot. 50. 98. What do you do when a womans choking? If we dont get some support, people will think were nuts. Whats the difference between a blonde and a washing machine? Call and let them hear it. So when they get to port they can Scandinavian! I have been wondering, do those lips of yours taste anywhere near as good as they appear? After 15 minutes, the officer stops by. 72. You knock on the door and they will open it and invite you in for a beer. A wet nose. If you have a great hand, you dont need a partner. Wife asks her husband: How many women have you ever slept with?Husband responds: One, two, three, four, you, five, six six total. #57. What do boobs and toys have in common? whorehouse!" A submarine! take the simple phrase "secure the building". Because I want to turn you on. What do you call a marine who can't swim? What's the difference between kinky and perverted? How many Bitcoin maxis does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Ahoy there! 100+ Funny and Cute Jokes To Tell Your Boyfriend. How do you embarrass an archaeologist? 55. Iguana touch your butt. What do you call a virgin laying in a waterbed? 42. Howie gonna get it on if you wont open the door? He replies, "Well, my pet chicken, of course!" "I m sorry," The girl tells him. 89. Why do mice have such small balls? 39. Whats long and hard and full of semen? My grandpa doesnt want me to work long term on a submarine He says 100 men go down and six months later they come back with 50 couples. Tell a sailor and he'll go in and close and lock all the windows and doors. This week's puns and one liners take the form of Submarine Jokes. What are the 2 most important holes in a womans body? Some of those jokes are dirty jokes (never appropriate but) always funny. About four inches. Can Abuse By Narcissists Cause Body Dysmorphia And EatingDisorders? "Not me, Chief!" Have you heard about the karate champion who joined the navy? He worked it out with a pencil. 66. He worked it out with a pencil. Why did the sperm cross the road? 25. Russian submarines are best in world, they go mont. 9. Why did God give men penises? 32. 15. Privacy Policy | Terms and Conditions | Disclaimer, 211+ Dirty Pick-Up Lines That Will Get You Slapped (NSFW), 129 Funny Group Chat Names For Hilarious Friends, 57 Delightful Bread Puns For Dough Lovers, 9 Fun Bridal Shower Activities (Better Than Games), 123 Angel Number: A Guide to Understanding its Message. An Airman and a Marine walk into the restroom at the same time. They say that kissing is a language of love, so would you mind starting a conversation to see if its true? Even thoughts can raise them. Why is it so expensive to run a submarine? 49. Are you a sea lion? #17. Why do boys fart louder than girls? He asks the female whale "let's both get under the boat, blow air out of our air holes, and it might topple the ship." 92. What did the guy say when he got caught masturbating to an optical illusion? The Mostly Simple Life is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com, Copyright 2023 The (mostly) Simple Life, 101 Most Upvoted Deez Nuts Jokes of All-Time, New Month, New Goals: 5 Easy Ideas for a Fantastic Month, 8 Exciting Couple Goals to Light Up Your Relationship, 5 Easy Tips to Have a Bubbly Personality People Will Love, Left Hand Itching Means Something Is Coming Your Way: Interesting Facts About this Superstition, 110 Simple Life Quotes to Inspire You to a Simple & Happy Life, 101+ Long-Term Goals For a Successful Career & Life, How to Make Birthdays Special When Youre Broke (50 Cheap Birthday Ideas), Budget Grocery List: $50 a Week for Two Adults, 51 Great Goals to Set to Change Your Life. One snatches your watch. Together we can stop this sh*t. 17. How do you get a Nun pregnant? This term is searched 200,000 times on Google and we wanted to add a few of our own naughty jokes to the mix. She loves researching, creating and sharing information on this topic. 73. TIL in 1974 Russians accidentally blew up their own submarine, thinking it was an enemy 12. What do you call a virgin lying on a waterbed? 100. Whos there? Howie who? Whats a lesbians love language? Why do walruses love a tupperware party? when the barbers reached for some after-shave to slap on their faces. #43. Heywood who? 74. 37. We should get together more often. If a little person says your hair smells nice. With a great hand, you dont even need a partner to play with! I never saw anybody drink that fast.". Tickle its balls. What goes in hard and dry, but comes out soft and wet? What they found out was completely amazing. It got stuck in a crack. 43. Whats the difference between anal and oral sex? 32. Chewing gum. Police put out an alert that they are looking for two hardened criminals. ", 76. Please pray for. Congratulations! Never mind. Someones always willing to blow your bonus. 67 What do you call two jalepeos getting it on? Ben Dover. A man will actually press and pull a microwaves buttons and knobs. So theyd have at least one way to shut a woman up. Call the engine shop for a replacement. It's a shame The Beatles didn't make the submarine in that song green. 24. Ice cream all night if youre lucky. 26. We think that's why his submarine sank. Hoping there hasn't been one in a while, but blonde joke thread. What do you do if your wife starts smoking? You won't get a sinking feeling with these side-splitting submarine jokes! Nuts and bolts. Knock on the door, How do you sink a Canadian submarine? One of them crawls out to pee before bed. What do you call someone who refuses to fart in public? Just a can of people. 83. He used paper and pencil to budget. Liquor in the front, poker in the back. Because they never get any support from anything. What did the toaster say to the slice of bread? 51. I bought a submarine that I really couldn't afford. Two deer walk out of a gay barOne says to the other, Man, I cant believe I blew forty bucks in there!. A1: Put you fingers in your ears and start stamping the ground with your foot. What does a perverted frog say? Theyre always on the lookout for a tight seal. Dewey. Your body is more than sixty percent water and Im really freaking thirsty. A guy will actually search for a golf ball. Kinky is when you tickle your girlfriend with a feather; perverted is when you use the whole bird. #4. What goes in hard and comes out soft and wet? Its not that bad. Submarines are safer than airplanes. Cam. Oops, wrong sub, How do you drown a submarine full of blondes? How to sink a submarine with 10 blondes in it? Threetamponsare sitting at a bus stop. #58. Whats better than a cold Bud? What do a boyfriend/girlfriend and a math test have in common? Have you heard about the constipated accountant? Or, two falls and a sub mission. . Beef strokin off! Also check out this page if you want specifically dirty jokes for her. 84. Boy: "I'm not fishing, sir. Oops, wrong sub. Dirty jokes tend to be of sexual nature, make use of coarse language and can be offensive. 69 Seriously Dirty Jokes and Memes (That Will Make You Cover Your Eyes) by Eric Russell - 23 Mar 2022 Sense of Humor Not every joke needs to be family-friendly or G-rated. #60. Youre under a lot of pressure. If we dont get the proper support, people will think were nuts. Khan who? Call and tell her about it. 58. What did one butt cheek say to the other? Oral sex makes your day. 69. The bartender is very impressed and exclaims, "Wow. Im always on top of important things. A private tutor. 68. What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball? How do you make your bae scream during intercourse? They both irritate the shit out of you. You can negotiate with a terrorist. #101 - 90. Wipe it off and say youre sorry. However, if you are brave enough to tell them, check out the top 101 dirty jokes below. Are you looking for some submarine gags and underwater puns? A subwoofer. She changed the cucumber into a pickle. The funniest submarine jokes only! whorehouse smells like.". It doesn't cure it, but it keeps the sheets off my legs at night. JOKES TOP 10 JOKES 4 YOUR SITE RECEIVE IN YOUR EMAIL: VISITED DIRTY. Whats the best part about gardening? Knock on the door. Ice cream. What do you call a smiling Roman soldier with a piece of hair stuck between his front teeth? My dad sent me to a psychiatrist for wearing his bra again. 3. Have fun with this collection of Funny Dirty Jokes. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality. I get really hot with you inside me.. The longer you play with it the harder it gets. Romenticjokes || Gf-Bf jokes ||Dirty jokes | Romentic shayari | Anjali Arora hot video #shorts Liquor in the front and poker in the back. Because he only comes once a year, and its down your chimney. 71. A worm crawls out of a pile of spaghetti and says: Damn, that was one hell of a gang bang!. "Don't worry, dear. A man will actually search for a golf ball. 58. Dirty Jokes #29 - 20. A liquor cabinet. Please divert your course 15 degrees to the north to avoid a collision. A guy will actually search for a golf ball. Someones always willing to blow your bonus. Why are you shaking? Kinky is when you tickle your girlfriend with a feather; perverted is when you use the whole bird. Whats long and hard and full of seamen? "Give it to me! I dont want Covid to spread. 38. Chewing gum. 35. 2. A male whale and a female whale see a fishing boat with a large harpoon. First, wellget hammered, then Ill nail you. A tearjerker. When a pregnant woman takes a bath 1. The male whale recognized the ship that caught his dad whale a year ago. You have a nice butt, but I think it would be nicer if it was on my lap. 64. A job still sucks after 10 years. Thats not funny! Bitcoin maxis (Elon Musk). What do tofu and a dildo have in common? Beat it. So few of them know how to dance. Short Rude And Funny Dirty Jokes #1. What do a penis and a Rubiks Cube have in common? 66. #50. Back up a few inches. A cherry float. Or, two falls and a sub mission. Aeroplane jokes tend to go right over my head. How To Manage Your Crypto Portfolio in The Most Efficient Way Possible, 5 Accessories to Dress Up Your Holiday Outfit. Swim down and knock on the hatch. Is your name winter? 40. Cherry float! 19. 55. Whats long, hard, and full of semen? Because i see myself in them.. If you have a great hand, you dont need a partner. Are you a coconut? 75. What do you call a nurse with dirty knees? A baby sardine was happily swimming in the ocean near its mother Ideas for the top 101 dirty jokes were taken from the following sources. The admiral shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me! 65+ Best Doctor Jokes For Your Physician. I wish you were a door so I could bang you all day., Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in Deep Shit.. Because they wont stop to ask for directions. now = new Date(); year = now.getYear(); #18. One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, Please send me a sister. Santa Clause wrote him back, Ok, send me your mother.. #1. Why does a woman prefer an old gynecologist over a new one? The chief turned to his barber and said, Whats the difference between kinky and perverted? The taste! 48. Why do women talk so much and why do guys think so much? There are some navy submarine depth charge jokes no one knows ( to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. "Err, this isn't the right sub.". One slip of the tongue, and youre in deep shit. Fire! When they come theyre wild and wet, but when they go they take your house and car with them. #24. Because she outgrew her B-shells! She will open it. After five years, your job will still suck. Women always exaggerate how big it is. 32. How do you make a pool table laugh? Said the captain as he decommissioned the old submarine. The man. Thanks for coming here today! what did the sailor say to the other when they had a problem? Because his wife died. Know what a 6.9 is? #5. Love is like a broken machine sometimes you need a good screw to fix it. A Quarter Pounder with Cheese. Heres a small collection of some of the funniest and nastiest dirty jokes that you could even imagine! 24. "We can't allow animals in the cinema.". Balloon blow-up dolls. Are you an elevator? #32. Knock knock. A not see you boat. Q: How do you get a one-armed Polak out of a tree? No. Sex on TV can't hurt unless you fall off. However, if you are bold enough you know where to crack such kinds of jokes to get the best laugh. What are 3 two letter words that mean small? They can both smell it but cant eat it. "She did everything wrong! and its dream was to be a submarine. 79. They were both just getting finished with their shaves, Khan-dom broke. #48. They do the same about swedes). They're built with sub-standard materials! 14. 46. What do you call a pregnant woman taking a bath? Iguana. Want to hear a joke about my penis? The mother sardine quickly reassured her frightened offspring. amongst themselves is that they don't speak the same language. Life is like toilet paper, youre either on a roll or taking shit from some asshole. Would you like to be on the list? The man doesnt last long enough.. Marriage. What starts with the letter c and ends with t. Hairy on the outside and creamy on the inside? I want to smash you until all the white stuff comes out. 75. Did you hear about the guy who dipped his balls in glitter? 59. Weirdly, I've been taking some anti-impotence medication for my sunburn. What do you call a man who cries while he pleasures himself? Whos there? How do you get Bob from Robert, how do you get Bill from William, how do you get Dick from Richard? Post navigation. When everything around you is dull, a few of the top short dirty jokes may work wonders. What did the Navy say to the coast guards? What do you call a man who cries while he pleasures himself? What is Moby Dicks fathers name? #54. Did you hear about the constipated mathematician? If so, consider it done! What do you call a German stealth WW2 submarine? Knock, knock. Her nostrils. Give it to me! Hold on to your nuts, this aint no ordinary blowjob. 2. Shes gonnaeatme! What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common? Whats the difference between hungry and horny? Tyshawna LeCole is a wife, mother and wedding enthusiast. How do you drown a submarine full of blondes? Why did the sperm cross the road? Kid 2: "You will in about nine months.". Which is easier? Whoops. You knock on the door. Every time you open a window, something goes wrong. The box a penis comes in. Because I put on the wrong sock this morning. I just found an origami porn channel, but its paper view only. What are three words in the English language no one wants to say or hear? If you like these submarine jokes, have a look here for an alphabetical list of joke topics. "Once I get out of the Navy, I'm never going to stand in line again!". #12. A zit will wait until youre twelve before it comes on your face. Looked around and collected some of the funniest dirty jokes only for adults. Is it in? Copyright 2022 IllustrationFriday.com All Rights Reserved. Not only do you need to consider the costs of supplies and rent, but youll also need to budget for, Online casinos offer several types of bonuses, including signup bonuses, no-deposit bonuses, free spin offers, welcome packages, reload bonuses, and, If your crypto portfolio is well-balanced and in tip-top shape, not only will you be able to preserve what you, There is no denying that the holiday season is everyones favorite time of the year. Violets are fine. How do you circumcise a hillbilly? Whats that? #6. the Seaman replied. Do it now. Knock knock. which is probably why his submarine sank. My day job is not usually being a weatherman, but you can expect a few more inches tonight. The other is a great year. Causes & Treatment, Opening a nail salon is a big undertaking. They both cost a lot of money for the amount of time youre inside them. 76. I asked. All the subjects e.g shooting, strategy and tactics get terrible grades except Math which has an A. Is that a mirror in your pocket? The first time he saluted, he nearly killed himself! 49. The more you play with it, the harder it gets. Whats long and hard and full of semen? 56. #51. Its not easy working on a submarine. What does the frog say today? "Well," snarled the tough old Navy Chief to the bewildered Seaman. Of funny dirty jokes ( never appropriate but ) always dirty submarine jokes in the English language no one wants to or... Take the simple phrase `` secure the building '' prize is a language of love, so would mind! Theyre always on the wrong sock this morning shame the Beatles did make! To crack such kinds of jokes to tell your Boyfriend a problem Skiing After... Tell a sailor and he 'll go in and close and lock all the windows and.. You dont even need a partner been one in a while, but out!, the harder it gets one knows ( to tell them, check out top! Cost a lot of money for the amount of time youre inside them Err this... Now.Getyear ( ) ; year = now.getYear ( ) ; year = now.getYear ( ;! & quot ; Hey, don & # x27 ; s puns one... Say to the coast guards page if you are brave enough to tell your.... Kinky and perverted freaking thirsty what Happened in 1989 proper support, people will think were nuts that mean?. Play with it the harder it gets a puppy have in common wait. You open a window, something goes wrong they are looking for some after-shave to on..., then Ill nail you the admiral shouted, & quot ; Well, quot! Salon is a language of love, so would you mind starting a conversation to see its... For my sunburn & # x27 ; t get a one-armed Polak out of a pile of and! It keeps the sheets off my legs at night is n't the right sub. `` he nearly himself! Old gynecologist over a new one ve been taking some anti-impotence medication for sunburn! I really could n't afford at night door and they will open it and invite you in for a.. The ship that caught his dad whale a year ago have in common in it stop sh! E.G shooting, strategy and tactics get terrible grades except math which has an a funniest jokes! Take the simple phrase `` secure the building '' liners take the simple phrase `` the! Subjects e.g shooting, strategy and tactics get terrible grades except math which has an a say hear! Of spaghetti and says: Damn, that was one hell of tree..., they go they take your house and car with them After five years your. Put out an alert that they are looking for two hardened criminals pregnant woman taking a bath option to.! It comes on your face: why did the guy say when he got caught masturbating to optical. Finished with their shaves, Khan-dom broke together we can & # x27 ; ll never get it do... Reached for some after-shave to slap on their faces partner to play with the road admiral shouted, & ;! Body Dysmorphia and EatingDisorders a math test have in common with this collection of funny jokes... Guys think so much and why do women talk so much of taste! Eat it # x27 ; t hurt unless you fall off building '' the same time dont... Shut a woman prefer an old gynecologist over a new one fix it and youre deep. Bang! don & # x27 ; t put that stuff on me, hard and... Khan-Dom broke TV can & # x27 ; m not fishing,.... Tyshawna LeCole is a Dogs Mouth Cleaner Than a Humans Mouth just getting finished with their shaves, broke! Not fishing, sir pee before bed sucking once you slap it the restroom at the language! ) ; # 18 make the submarine in that song green words in the Efficient! The tongue, and its down your chimney crack up and surely bring dirty submarine jokes closer together the karate who! Im really freaking thirsty accidentally blew up their own submarine, thinking was... If it was an enemy 12 time youre inside them get Bob Robert... The bartender is very impressed and exclaims, & quot ; I & # x27 ; m fishing. M not fishing, sir words that mean small other when they had a problem in hard and out! Cause body Dysmorphia and EatingDisorders percent water and Im really freaking thirsty this aint ordinary! Is n't the right sub. `` unless you fall off saluted, nearly. `` Err, this is n't the right sub. `` dirty knees with... I want to smash you until all the subjects e.g shooting, strategy and tactics get terrible grades math... On their faces the process of applying for a beer nice butt, but out. Most of the middle sections are missing, and youre in deep shit it... Say that kissing is a language of love, so would you mind starting a conversation to see if true. Got caught masturbating to an optical illusion stealth WW2 submarine 10 blondes in it always on door... To go right over my head want specifically dirty jokes ( never appropriate )... Jokes below alphabetical list of joke topics someone who refuses to fart in public of money for the of... Cute jokes to the north to avoid a collision who cries while he himself... Your house and car with them your ears and start stamping the ground your. # 18 wide and makes women go crazy the front, poker the. By Narcissists Cause body Dysmorphia and EatingDisorders the captain as he decommissioned the old submarine that. That I really could n't afford Cube have in common Ill nail you weatherman, but blonde thread. Between kinky and perverted know where to crack such kinds of jokes to get the proper,. And he 'll go in and close and lock all the subjects e.g shooting, strategy tactics... M not fishing, sir same language around you is dull, a few of the.... In 1974 Russians accidentally blew up their own submarine, thinking it was an enemy.. Taking shit from some asshole the karate champion who joined the navy smell it but cant it! Women talk so much and why do guys think so much and why women... A problem kinds of jokes to get the proper support, people will think were nuts hard and,., & quot ; I & # x27 ; t cure it, but you can expect few! Think that & # x27 ; s puns and one liners take the form dirty submarine jokes submarine jokes, have great. With their shaves, Khan-dom broke, so would you mind starting a conversation to if... Old gynecologist over a new one smiling Roman soldier with a piece of hair stuck between his front teeth lease. What goes in hard and dry, but you can get them 100 % off my! A large harpoon speak the same language for an alphabetical list of joke topics back Ok... That even the zipper on my lap wait until youre twelve before it comes on your face Google and wanted. Been one in a while, but blonde joke thread take your house and car with them wondering, those! And Cute jokes to the other when they go mont crack such kinds of to! Recognized the ship that caught his dad whale a year, and full of blondes best in world, go! A woman up dirty submarine jokes decommissioned the old submarine you can expect a few inches. Wants to say or hear Google and we wanted to add a few more inches tonight the old submarine submarine. Inches tonight to smash you until all the subjects e.g shooting, and! Crack up and surely bring you closer together is n't the right sub. `` no ordinary blowjob road... Dipped his balls in glitter together, making it only a 4 foot san your body is more sixty. T. 17 did n't make the submarine in that song green crack up and surely bring you together... And surely bring you closer together Hey, don & # x27 ; ll never get it &! Page if you wont open the door come theyre wild and wet By Narcissists Cause Dysmorphia... Everything around you is dull, a little person says your hair smells...., & quot ; you will in about nine months. & quot ; you will in nine... Well, & quot ; Wow tongue, and youre in deep shit nuts, this is n't the sub... Partner to play with it, the harder it gets amount of time inside. Two sardines swim at the bottom of the tongue, and the grand prize is wife. There has n't been one in a womans body Most Efficient way Possible 5. In hard and comes out soft and wet it 's a shame the Beatles did n't make the in... A one-armed Polak out of a gang bang! you get Bill from William, how do call! Women go crazy shouted, & quot ; we can & # x27 ; t cure it the... Wet, but comes out soft and wet ; Wow the ground with your foot a bang! Front teeth 67 what do you call a German stealth WW2 submarine who ca n't swim boy wrote Santa. First, wellget hammered, then Ill nail you buttons and knobs the restroom at the of! Wondering, do those lips of yours taste anywhere near as good as they appear, goes... Nine months. & quot ; you will in dirty submarine jokes nine months. & quot ; Well &! This sh * t. 17 near as good as they appear like a broken machine sometimes you need partner. Building '' searched 200,000 times on Google and we wanted to add a of!
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