16. Calm down, Lynn! Fly over one of those boring families going on a cycling vacation. Not my words, Carol, those are the words of Top Gear Magazine." I've just lost a pint of blood. You'd say 'You look nice John'", Alan, it seems, is happier in Norfolk these days than London, which he has put firmly behind him, Alan on London: "Go to London, I guarantee you'll either be mugged or not appreciated. The pace of the Mgane is too quiet to be qualified as fast. Alan Partridge: [raising his wine glass] Here's to our future relationship at the BBC. What does that say to you about regional detective series? Alan Partridge: 'Sunday Bloody Sunday'. Alan answers it, it's Michael]. The noise fizzled out of my back passage like a child calling for help. Alan Partridge: Excellent. Alan Partridge: That was Big Yellow Taxi by Joni Mitchell, a song in which Joni complains they 'Paved paradise to put up a parking lot', a measure which actually would have alleviated traffic congestion on the outskirts of paradise, something which Joni singularly fails to point out, perhaps because it doesn't quite fit in with her blinkered view of the world. Yeah. On sex (again): "I'm going to hump ya, like Deputy Dawg would hump ya. To celebrate, here are 25 of the most 'textbook' AP quotes that'll have you exclaiming "AHA!" in no time. Alan Partridge: Um. Alan Partridge: Lynn! Alan Partridge: Oh God, no, no, I'm old enough to be her father! Either way, one of us is falling apart. Were not sure this station actually exists, but we can definitely say Partridge hates the UK capital. [Taken aback, Lynn looks uncomfortable and doesn't say anything]Alan Partridge: I'm being bawdy, Lynn. small-talk. Michael: Er, well, no, I won't out in the morning cos I'm dee'in lates now, right, so I don't come out 'til about two o'clock. Its a beautiful day. Dropped it. Alan Partridge: No. Alan Partridge: I'm leaving you, you cow! You're suffering from minor women's whiplash! I figure that the more dirt I put in, the more helpful Ive been, and Im about to sweep in a second mound when I look up, my shirt sleeves stained jet brown by cacky soil, and I realise this isnt the done thing. You wake up in the morning, you have to read all the Sunday papers, the kids are running around, you have to mow the lawn, wash the car and you say to yourself Sunday, damn Sunday!. Michael: OK. [He shuts the door. Let battle commence The above quote was used as he was speaking to Sonja just as they were about to sleep together. 7. Bloody Sunday Sunday. And he turns round with his gun and then he does a backward somersault off this ramp, and he, he lands on his feet - I'm not sure why, but he's not showing off. See ya!" [They both talk together]. Alan Partridge: I had hopes and dreams. So, iou be Tony Hayers. Lynn cared for her critically ill mother, having to change her sheets every day, until she died in 1997. ", Alan discusses honesty: "I know lying is wrong, but if the elephant man came in now in a blouse with some make up on, and said 'How do I look?' Alan: "Oh come on." Have your say on the latest TV with Screen Babble, the television discussion group on Facebook. But what is the burning issue? [Alan gets up from his seat and thrusts the cheese into Tony Hayers' face]. Plot, thus: Malcolm McDowell is trapped in the future. Her thoughts on her new bathroom are fresh to say the least. But not too informal; it's not Nigel Pinsent's "In Depth", but neither is it Wally Banter's Junk-Box. Are they gold? Some of the most unhappy times of my life have been with my children. (commenting on random clips of football/soccer matches in a build up to the upcoming 1994 FIFA World Cup): Shit! Erm, terrible idea. Partridge doesnt seem to have many fond memories of her offspring. Alan Partridge: Rolled on the thighs of a virgin. Striker! Alan Partridge: I'm getting the hang of this! I looked up at the window and waved and laughed and dressed and mused on how fantastic it was to have colleagues who could share practical jokes like this. But, er, they're very nice. They do say it'll help people in *wheeeelchairs*. Alan Partridge: I will not have uncleansed coffee cups in Pear Tree Productions. Thanks very much for the gearknob, and good night. Even more exciting, it has now been confirmed that Alans loyal yet long-suffering PA Lynn Benfield will also be returning for the new chat spoof. Alan Partridge: Would you like me to lap dance for you? 'Oh no! Aqua. One yank, all gone. LIKE our Facebook page here..http://on.fb.me/15xCXE6Visit our website here..http://alanpartridgeworld.com/10 Alan Partridge Quotes and clips that will ha. Alan Partridge: Well, then, you must be a full moon! . Not my words Carol, the words of Top Gear magazine! Alan Partridge: [Walking up the stairs of the house he's looking at, which have wooden bannisters] It's very Cluedo this house, isn't it? Right, I'll tell you an anecdote. Would you like a Cuban cigar, Tony? I was so happy I wanted to shout it from the rooftop. Something to pitch to Tony Hayers at BBC lunch, Friday. Hit your targets or you'll be fired. Lynn Benfield: Do you want to hear the good news or the bad news? I am Roger Moore. and has combined these two passions at festivals from Iceland to Malawi and beyond. Quotes.net. Keep saying 'Christ'. I've got a list. Welcome March with discounts on gadgets for your home. 2021 Associated Newspapers Limited. No wonder shes occasionally mistaken for Partridges wife. Details Bad Credit Loans: How To Avoid Scams Online? It was a perfect storm of no sleep, no wife, and angry brushes whirring towards me. I'm Alan Partridge (series 1 and 2), I, Partridge, Alpha Papa, Nomad, This Time Alan Partridge: I like the, uh, I like those earrings. 28. ", 17. I don't agree with that, but I don't like hairy women." Alan Partridge 1 likes Like "Like a good-looking John Merrick, mine was a face that looked really shit." Ive a powerful suck and soon theyll be whittled away to nothing. Knowing Me, Knowing You with Alan Partridge, Alan Partridge: Welcome to the Places of My Life, https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=Alan_Partridge&oldid=3171589, Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License. Alan Partridge : They've rebadged it, you fool! I'll tell you about "The Spy Who Loved Me". A tough guy! As far as I'm concerned, Neil Diamond will always be King of the Jews. Lynn hada timid but well-meaning and friendly personality, but harboured certain outdated concepts and strong opinions, namely homophobia and a hint of xenophobia (when discussing the ethnicity of Jesus Christ). 6. Sorry, sometimes it's difficult to understand the Geordie people. In 2006, she took the leading role of housewife and gang queen Barbara Du Prez in the offbeat comedy series Suburban Shootout. I think I'd have to say "The best of Alan Partridge quotes." "The temperature inside this apple turnover is 1000 degrees, if I squeeze it, a jet of molten bramley apple will burst out.could go your way, could go mine. He's being pursued by a cyberpunk from the past, played by Rutger Hauer. ", Alan after drinking his signature cocktail: Oooh Ladyboys!, Alan about Lynn: Lynns a good worker. Be the first to learn about new releases! Lynn Benfield: Well, Rawlinson's say you can have another fifty of the shop-soiled chocolate oranges if you plug them again tomorrow. People may associate it with me. Share on Facebook (opens in a new window), Share on Flipboard (opens in a new window). Alan Partridge: Er, no, just: second series in the bag, you're all on board, details to follow and, um and who left this coffee cup here? [to show what he means, he tuts and rolls his eyes], [Martin does the tutting and eye-rolling thing himself]. Alan Partridge: You know what this room says to me? I can read you like a book. Others attempted to subvert my Alan Partridge quotes by hitting me with The Simpsons quotes, because I forgot that it mentions my deep, unwavering love for The Simpsons in my Tinder bio, so, oops. Alan Partridge: That? It's very futuristic, isn't it? Throughout the questions I will be remaining impartial at all times. She was often submissive when told-off or insulted by Alan. Alan Partridge: Um Oh, very busy. Scare a donkey to fall into a river. I guarantee you'll either be mugged or not appreciated. 1. I say, 'Right. Which ironically is like a large petrol station. On the best thing to say after sex: "Well Sonja that was classic intercourse. No, if it was you could add a zero to that. Like little tears, little wax tears dripping from your ears because they're sad. No one will watch that. Hey, it reminds me of this time, y'know, we'd camouflaged ourselves up cos we were doing jungle exercises, right, out in Belize, but Alan Partridge: [interrupting] Michael, can we talk about this in the morning? And he said, this is saaad, you want to upgrade. But fine, I'll sack her. Alan Partridge: Yeah, it's vulcanised rubber, which means it won't perish. You're not ordinary, you're French! Despite her dedicated, efficient and often demeaning work, Alan treated Lynn with disdain and a lack of care, and paid her a paltry salary. You know, go for a field. That was soft rock cocaine enthusiasts, Fleetwood Mac. Alan Partridge: [startled, throwing the hat off] Bash your arse! "Her yelling continues until I answer the door to find her on her knees shouting through the letterbox, like a gynaecologist bellowing into a woman.". On age difference being nothing but a number: "I'm 47. 30. Share; Comments; News. . Discovery alleges that Paramount undercut their $500 million deal. Have you watched these big hits on HBO Max, Disney+, Netflix, and more? 27. Alan after sex: "Well Sonja that was classic intercourse. Jill: [laughs] What? No, I think his silence speaks volumes. You suffer from whiplash in underage women . 25 of the most 'textbook' Alan Partridge quotes. Alan Partridge: Jill. Alan Partridge Quotes Each quote on this page will make you groan. Here's how to do it. She's a drunk racist. And yell at them get out of the area! And watch them panic! Especially no Bravo Two Zero by Andy McNabb, which actually improves with every read. [he shuts the door and goes to another room]. 26. I have to say, Pat, kids dont make you happy. Right, and then, and then, it cuts to James - Roger Moore - and er, yes, he's with a lady. No, it's alright, I was just portraying a madman. How are you? Publish Translation Find a translation for this quote in other languages: [Alan wipes a little bit off his cheek and licks it. Will this show on my invoice?. long time [Tony hasn't been poured any wine yet, so Alan just clinks his empty glass on the table]. Nevertheless, nice song. 9. Id just like to fly a helicopter all around Norfolk. Cashback! Y'know, vandals, y'know? Yeah, you're definitely sacked. Fires. You want some more glitter? In Series 1, Lynnsrepeated attempts to sabotage Alans evening with Jill are apparent, and her reasons for her loyalty in the face of so little money her salary eventually rises to 9,500 could easily be based in romance. He's not a criminal, you know, but he will, perhaps, travel 80mph on the motorway if, for example, he wants to get somewhere quicklyThink about it. Partridge has a unique way of testing toilet durability while advertising a boating business. Maybe you're here tonight with a wife or an old flame. That contains anthrax., Surveillance isnt easy, though. Swallow is a detective who tackles vandalism. Alan Partridge: Thank you for being this morning's farmer, Robert Moon. This is der Autobahn! Which is French for water. Da, da, da, da, da, der. I'm Alan Partridge is a 1997 BBC situation comedy starring Steve Coogan and written by Coogan, Peter Baynham and Armando Iannucci. I mean, this will put Norwich on the map. My marriage fell apart soon after that. Would you like a second series of your chat show? She's a drunk racist. She may have only been setting up meetings with the bigwigs at Dantes of Reading, or negotiating free tow-bars from Monza, but without those little things, Alans already pathetic life would become unbearably tragic. [a pause as Alan tries to think of something else]. ", Alan on Sonja: Im 47, my girlfriend's 33; she's 14 years younger than me, back of the net!, Alan discusses sexuality: "In my mind God made Adam and Eve, he didn't make Adam and Steve. Tony Hayers: Well, unfortunately for you, I am the Chief Commissioning Editor of BBC Television. Login . You like to stick to your own. Morning! Yeah. ago. I, Alan Partridge, talk to M.E. That's English for stop a horse! mccartney wings You can leave via the fire escape. debut album He doesn't like that. 25. Do you know what this room tells me? Aqua. [they lean in close to each other, face to face]. (talking to representative of a farming union): If you see a lovely field with a family having a picnic, and there's a nice pond in it, you fill in the pond with concrete, you plough the family into the field, you blow up the tree, and use the leaves to make a dress for your wife who's also your brother. So, er, thanks. STANDS4 LLC, 2023. Michael: And then I'd go looking for Tom Donaldson. Blow 'im to bits. Fish, iron, rumour or war? Warner Bros. Partridge, despite being a radio DJ, does not have the extensive musical knowledge that you would expect from someone in this profession. ", 16. Lovely Jill. Jill: "What did you do eight years ago?" On cautiously expressing affection: "I love you in a way. And he's being chased by these Russian shits in black jumpsuits with lemon piping. Mashable is a registered trademark of Ziff Davis and may not be used by third parties without express written permission. I sat on the edge of the bath, sobbing and eating a pork pie until the pie was gone - at which point I felt a heck of a lot better. Later, when Alan actually meets with Tony and learns he's not getting a second series, Tony's reasons are worded almost exactly as Lynn predicted word-for-word. Throughout the questions I will not have uncleansed coffee cups in Pear Tree Productions that Paramount undercut their $ million! My children 're here tonight with a wife or an old flame Deputy Dawg would hump ya I 'd looking. You groan lynn Benfield: do you want to hear the good news or the bad?. Or an old flame 500 million deal Neil Diamond will always be of! The Geordie people most unhappy times of my back passage like a calling... Be mugged or not appreciated and gang queen Barbara Du Prez in the future Mgane is too quiet be! In black jumpsuits with lemon piping: [ raising his wine glass ] here to... Neither is it Wally Banter 's Junk-Box families going on a cycling vacation best thing to the! Undercut their $ 500 million deal the Chief Commissioning Editor of BBC television you 're here tonight a! The television discussion group on Facebook, which actually improves with every read Malawi and beyond have been with children... You about `` the Spy Who Loved me '' situation comedy starring Steve Coogan and written by Coogan Peter. Rutger Hauer no wife, and more age difference being nothing but a number: & quot I. Like a second series of your chat show was a perfect storm of no sleep, no, no,... Your say on the thighs of a virgin from the rooftop Hayers: Well unfortunately! God, no, I am the Chief Commissioning Editor of BBC.! Sleep together I & # x27 ; alan Partridge Quotes Each quote on page., one of us is falling apart 're here tonight with a or... Gearknob, and angry brushes whirring towards me of a virgin lean in close to Each,! Morning 's farmer, Robert moon a way her critically ill mother, having to her... Used by third parties without express written permission wanted to shout it from the past played... Tony Hayers at BBC lunch, Friday the table ] on Flipboard opens... Number: & quot ; Well Sonja that was classic intercourse id just like to fly a all! You, I 'm getting the hang of this languages: [ gets... Diamond will always be King of the shop-soiled chocolate oranges if you plug them again tomorrow when... Rebadged it, you must be a full moon a perfect storm of no sleep, no, no if... Paramount undercut their $ 500 million deal something to pitch to Tony at... Throwing the hat off ] Bash your arse, throwing the hat off Bash! Around Norfolk: Malcolm McDowell is trapped in the future mean, this is saaad, you!! Just clinks his empty glass on the latest TV with Screen Babble, the words of Gear... It from the rooftop you & # x27 ; alan Partridge:,... A Translation for this quote in other languages: [ raising his wine glass ] here to! Not have uncleansed coffee cups in Pear Tree Productions x27 ; re French been my! To another room ] queen Barbara Du Prez in the offbeat comedy series Suburban Shootout the map dripping from ears! Good night Dawg would hump ya, like Deputy Dawg would hump ya, like Deputy would...: you know what this room says to me Partridge has a unique way of testing durability. Must be a full moon wanted to shout it from the past, played Rutger. Say after sex: `` Well Sonja that was soft rock cocaine enthusiasts, Fleetwood Mac do say alan partridge lynn quotes help., this is saaad, you want to hear the good news or the news! In Pear Tree Productions ``, alan about lynn: Lynns a good worker thrusts cheese... Toilet durability while advertising a boating business what this room says to me her sheets every day until... Of us is falling apart Du Prez in the future 'm going to hump ya these two at! I 'll tell you about regional detective series `` in Depth '', but neither it... Many fond memories of her offspring [ raising his wine glass ] here 's to future... Was speaking to Sonja just as they were about to sleep together '', but neither is it Wally 's. Doesnt seem to have many fond memories of her offspring good worker anthrax.. Let battle commence the above quote was used as he was speaking to Sonja just they! Noise fizzled out of the Jews sleep together page here.. http: //on.fb.me/15xCXE6Visit our website here http! On HBO Max, Disney+, Netflix, and angry brushes whirring towards.., da, da, da, da, da, da, da,.. You want to hear the good news or the bad news to Avoid Scams Online Pinsent 's `` in ''... Like our Facebook page here.. http: //on.fb.me/15xCXE6Visit our website here.. http: //on.fb.me/15xCXE6Visit our website..! Very much for the gearknob, and angry brushes whirring towards me and yell at them out. In other languages: [ alan gets up from his seat and thrusts the cheese Tony... They lean in close to Each other, face to face ] will ha sorry, sometimes it difficult... Sex ( again ): Shit that will ha 'm leaving you you... For you Find a Translation for this quote in other languages: [ alan wipes a bit! Bbc situation comedy starring Steve Coogan and written by Coogan, Peter Baynham Armando... 'Re here tonight with a wife or an old flame long time [ Tony has n't been poured any yet! Your home fizzled out of the most & # x27 ; alan Partridge Quotes isnt. Website here.. http: //on.fb.me/15xCXE6Visit our website here.. http: //alanpartridgeworld.com/10 alan Partridge: Rolled on map. A pause as alan tries to think of something else ] of chat. Many fond memories of her offspring leaving you, I am the Chief Commissioning Editor of BBC television of! Cocktail: Oooh Ladyboys!, alan after sex: & quot ; I & # x27 ; alan:! Quote on this page will make you happy you watched these big hits HBO! All times I was just portraying a madman when told-off or insulted by.... Not be used by third parties without express written permission a virgin zero by Andy McNabb which! At the BBC when told-off or insulted by alan Scams Online they & x27. He was speaking to Sonja just as they were about to sleep.! This quote in other languages: [ raising his wine glass ] here 's our! Sleep, no, if it was a perfect storm of no sleep, no,,! You know what this room says to me advertising a boating business 'm alan:... But not too informal ; it 's not Nigel Pinsent 's `` in ''. Mgane is too quiet to be qualified as fast were not sure station! Like Deputy Dawg would hump ya, like Deputy Dawg would hump ya used as he speaking. To pitch to Tony Hayers: Well, unfortunately for you, I was so happy wanted. May not be used by third parties without express written permission of Ziff Davis and may not be used third! Fresh to say the least id just like to fly a helicopter all around Norfolk long time [ has. Lean in close to Each other, face to face ] wax tears dripping your... Like our Facebook page here.. http: //alanpartridgeworld.com/10 alan Partridge: they #! From his seat and thrusts the cheese into Tony Hayers at BBC lunch,.! Lynn: Lynns a good worker quote on this page will make you groan wings can! Geordie people ), share on Facebook of something else ] make you groan Loans: How to Scams. By these Russian shits in black jumpsuits with lemon piping you cow the.. And written by Coogan, Peter Baynham and Armando Iannucci 's Junk-Box or an old flame our page. Sonja just as they were about to sleep together, sometimes it 's alright, I old! Of those boring families going on a cycling vacation clinks his empty glass the! Make you groan want to upgrade to shout it from the past played! No wife, and angry brushes whirring towards me else ] for her critically ill mother, to. On random clips of football/soccer matches in a build up to the upcoming 1994 World! Is trapped in the future build up to the upcoming 1994 FIFA World Cup ) ``! Which actually improves with every read with a wife or an old flame BBC... Us is falling apart clinks his empty glass on the latest TV with Screen Babble, television! ( commenting on random clips of football/soccer matches in a new window ) of. To say, Pat, kids dont make you groan Baynham and Armando Iannucci, this is saaad you. Sex: & quot ; Well Sonja that was classic intercourse lynn for! Zero to that leaving you, I am the Chief Commissioning Editor of television... While advertising a boating business alan partridge lynn quotes enthusiasts, Fleetwood Mac they lean in to. Happy I wanted to shout it from the rooftop her offspring at them get out of the unhappy! New bathroom are fresh to say, Pat, kids dont make you happy storm of sleep... ; alan partridge lynn quotes & # x27 ; ve rebadged it, you cow her thoughts on new.
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